Awareness about mental health has been on the rise for the past couple of decades; however, most of these talks revolve around the well-being of adults. According to WHO, 10% of children and adolescents experience a mental disorder, but the majority of them do not seek help or receive care. It is important to note that mental health issues affect people of all ages, and more importantly, many psychological issues that develop later in life can be triggered by adverse childhood experiences or inadequate mental development during childhood.
In our society, we often hear people saying things like, “What problems can you have, you are just a child” or “Children shouldn’t take things seriously”. Not only do these statements reflect a distorted sense of reality, but they also shame children for feeling basic emotions. Studies show that children who are taught to avoid expressing their emotions in childhood grow into adults who are low on emotional intelligence and have difficulty maintaining interpersonal relationships. This just adds to the importance of raising kids in a way that builds their emotional and social skills right from the start to ensure that they grow into fully-functioning healthy adults.
Understanding Resilience In Childhood
Resilience can be understood as the person’s ability to bounce back after periods of stress or adversity. Children experience a variety of challenging situations ranging from physical injuries, moving houses, fights with friends, or anxiety about a test to chronic situations like death in the family or being victims of abuse.
Resilience does not mean that the child will not feel negative emotions during difficult situations, but it refers to the child’s ability to recover after hardships. Some signs of resilience in children are-
- Resilient children do not give up easily and try again and again.
- Show good problem-solving skills and rational thinking.
- They understand that stressful periods do not last forever and are hopeful about the future.
- They are able to pacify and soothe themselves.
- Resilient children are high on emotional intelligence, meaning that they are aware of their emotions and express them in healthy ways. They are usually good at maintaining positive relationships and are not afraid to seek help when needed.
- They have a strong shield against negative criticism and believe in their own capabilities and strengths.
Sources Of Resilience In Childhood
A famous saying goes: “Teach a child how to think, not what to think.” This precisely sums up how parenting techniques can promote mental resilience in children by focusing on helping the child develop his or her own identity rather than forcing your thoughts and beliefs onto them. This way, the child will learn to deal with demanding situations on his/her own and grow into an adult who is self-sufficient, opinionated, and resourceful. Here are some ways you can promote resilience in your kid:
- Support, Don’t Fix: whenever you see your child facing a minor difficulty, as a parent, your first response might be to help the child or directly solve their problems. While there is absolutely nothing wrong in protecting your child, being there at their rescue without giving them a chance to come out of it themselves might not be the best way. For example, if they feel bad due to a fight with their friend, instead of taking matters into their own hands, you could tell them, ‘It will get better; I’m here with you.
- Play And Resilience: Play can be a very powerful tool for building resilience in kids. Through play, children develop problem-solving skills, learn to regulate their emotions, and build social connections. It provides a safe space for taking risks, fostering adaptability and confidence. Moreover, roleplaying games can be effective in teaching kids the importance of flexibility and adaptability. Through playful learning, children develop important skills like being open to change, thinking creatively, and adjusting to the demands of the situation.
- Bonding And Support: During times of stress, strong and healthy relationships with caregivers, family members, and supportive peers can act as sources of strength. Schools and teachers should also have a role in providing kids with a sense of security and belongingness. Positive relationships with others can help create a safe space for kids to express themselves and ask for help if needed.
- Failing Successfully: Winning sure does feel great, but children must be taught from the very beginning that efforts matter more than the results. Kids must be motivated to embrace failures as valuable learning lessons that are stepping stones toward growth and future success. It improves the child’s resilience by encouraging perseverance and willingness to try again with new knowledge and improved skills.
- Modeling: It is a known fact that children imitate better than they follow. If you verbally teach your kids to never give up but then set the opposite kind of example, they are less likely to take your teachings seriously. Instead of telling them what to do, showing them what to do will help them adopt those behaviors themselves through observational learning of resilient individuals who have faced similar challenges and overcome them and start believing in their own ability to do so. Additionally, seeing people talk about their setbacks creates a safe forum for children to communicate their own experiences in a healthy way openly.
- Embracing Disappointment: By surrendering to the child’s demands every time they throw fits, parents often reinforce these negative mechanisms unknowingly. By sometimes letting the child feel disappointment for a while, you can teach them to accept the feeling and fully experience the sensations and feelings that come with it. It allows the possibility of a greater understanding of oneself and enables personal growth.
- Self-Expression: Communicating and expressing one’s emotions and thoughts in a positive and constructive way provides a healthy outlet and also helps process and accept those feelings. While sharing how they feel, children can gain valuable insight into their strengths and weaknesses and hence, identify areas for growth. By expressing themselves assertively, children can advocate for themselves and seek support. This fosters a sense of empowerment and builds resilience in challenging situations.
Remember, mental resilience is not something that is learned overnight. There might be many trying days for both your kid and you before they learn to deal with hardships. Be patient with them, actively communicate that you support them no matter what, and see them take flight toward being healthy and sturdy individuals.
